Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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