Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
