I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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