ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
