My friends, they love my intelligence
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
How's work?
Spinning.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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