I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
