he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
