Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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