woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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