On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Your dad touched me again.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
