Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
