Your face is a jimmy john
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Randomize
