First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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