dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
