proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
