booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
