im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The air was thick with penises
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
