Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
