Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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