she looked like the before picture.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
