Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
