Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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