Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
