How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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