There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
