I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
