And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
