He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
