THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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