Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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