I wish I could teleport
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
That accounts for only three of the penises
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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