we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
