Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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