He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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