Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I need a burrito and a hug.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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