He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
