Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
