Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
