I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
