Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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