His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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