Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
