sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize