Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
