I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
