She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
