I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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