Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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