went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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