Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
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