Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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