OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Come share oat with me in your robe
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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