The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize