Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize