I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
