and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Barsexuality is the new black.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
