Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
