I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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