OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
