Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
