I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
