Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I think i got beer on your cat.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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