You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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